I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize