just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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