I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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