He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize