I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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