thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
