There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
