He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
