If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
