first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
