Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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