Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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