When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
