i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
false alarm, still single
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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