hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
