I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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