I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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