Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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