I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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