Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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