What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
