Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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