I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
