plz talk dirty to me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
