We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
