Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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