Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
