i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
