Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
