Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
