he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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