I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
