I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
