it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
