I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
