i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
