I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
