She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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