Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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