too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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