my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
