Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
