I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
