NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
