he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
