apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
