I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
