I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
