smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
