He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
