JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
