Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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