if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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