Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
