Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
