he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize