Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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