so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
