I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
