i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
