I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
