Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
