only if we run a train.
done.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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