A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
