mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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