I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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