I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
